In a brutal story emerging from a bar in Manhattan, NY, your best friend Tina just introduced you to another one of her friends as “her coworker.”
What the fuck? Has your intimate friendship meant absolutely nothing to her?
Sources confirm the two of you are definitely coworkers, as that is 100% how you met, but you’ve long since assumed Tina sees you as a real friend.
“I’ve been telling everyone she’s my best friend for the past two years,” you told reporters from inside the bar bathroom, where you sought refuge after the embarrassing snafu. “I’m just a coworker to her? Take a stake and drive it through my heart, why don’t you?”
While you have never explicitly broached the topic of whether you two are friends, you always assumed Tina felt just as strongly about you as you did about her. Where you got this impression, reporters are not exactly sure.
“We hang out all the time!” you continued defensively. “For example, I see her every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9am to 5pm. We also sometimes get lunch together! Sounds like best friend behavior to me!”
Reporters were confused, as it seems you just described a typical working relationship, not a particularly close friendship.
“Well, one time she invited me to see a movie, but I couldn’t go,” you continued. “Why would she do that if I weren’t her best friend? That would be insane.”
Sources confirm it sounds like Tina was just being nice, but it didn’t seem like you were in a mental place to receive this news.
Going directly to the source, reporters decided to ask Tina directly to quantify your relationship.
“Oh, we’re friendly for sure!” she said sweetly. “I don’t really know what she’s like outside of work, though. I mean, this was the first time we’ve ever hung out in the evening. I figured I was being really nice by inviting her to meet my friends! It’s the first step in what could be a nice, cordial acquaintanceship.”
“A ‘nice, cordial acquaintanceship’?!” you said, incredulous. “That’s what she called it? Do nice, cordial acquaintances have each other’s phone numbers and text sometimes? Do nice, cordial acquaintances ask whether they’re expected to come into the office tomorrow?”
Reporters say yes.
As of press time, you feigned sick and excused yourself from the hang to go cry at home.
“She seems nice!” Tina’s friend whispered as you left.
“Sure! I mean, we don’t really know each other that well, but sure!” Tina responded, pouring salt in the wound.
