In a troubling story emerging from a grocery store in Tallahassee, FL, 27-year-old Vee Greenbaum had grand plans thirty minutes ago when she decided to pick up some food, but it appears she has since lost all capacity to plan more than two meals ahead.
“I know I planned out the whole week before I left the house,” Vee told reporters from the produce section, where she was looking up and down the aisle like a lost child. “But I can’t seem to remember what I was going to make. The only thing popping out at me right now is that I should get apples, right? Apples?”
Reporters were unable to provide guidance here, as they were also unsure what Vee’s big plans had been.
“I know I need broccoli, because I always need broccoli,” she continued. “Then, I guess for lunch I’ll have corn?”
Vee’s insistence on phrasing each of these statements as questions was certainly cause for concern.
“For dinner tonight, I’ll make some pasta, but I already have that stuff at home,” she continued, seemingly growing more confused as she wandered the aisles. “So why did I come here? I basically have all my groceries already.”
Vee then spent about 15 minutes in the cereal aisle choosing between Special K and Corn Pops, a decision reporters would argue is a no-brainer.
“I’ll probably need stuff for later this week, but I have no clue what food I’ll want then,” she continued. “Sausages, probably. I’ll definitely want sausages.”
Reporters confirmed Vee has never once wanted a sausage as a snack at home, so they were unsure where this singular desire was coming from.
“Always good to have some crackers at home, too, like for this afternoon,” she continued, meandering down the aisles. “What other snacks will I want later? Oh, yeah! Popcorn for the movie tonight!”
Reporters urged Vee to think ahead to tomorrow, but this seemed overwhelming.
“I have no clue who I’ll be then!” she continued. “Tomorrow’s food is for tomorrow’s Vee to decide. I can always come back to the grocery store.”
Reporters reminded her that this is exactly how she got into her current situation, as she came to the grocery store yesterday and only got enough food for exactly 24 hours.
As of press time, Vee returned home only to realize she had forgotten eggs, milk, bread, soy sauce, garlic, onions, oregano, orange juice, oatmeal, rice, and pretty much every single staple you could think of.
