In a beautiful story of reckless consumption emerging from a farmers’ market in Brooklyn, NY, 26-year-old Nina Hyde is not letting her personal lack of a car stop her from indulging in a free bumper sticker.
“There’s just something so fun about a bumper sticker,” Nina told reporters gathered at the scene. “I love feeling part of something! Even when I am fundamentally not a part of it.”
Sources confirm the free bumper sticker in question says, “Honk if you, like me, are eating TOMATOES!” and is sponsored by one of the stands at the farmers’ market.
“Did I buy tomatoes from this stand? No,” she continued, turning the sticker over in her hands. “In fact, I can’t eat tomatoes ever! I’m deathly allergic. I also do not know the people working here. I just love stickers.”
As far as her plans with the free bumper sticker, Nina says the world is her oyster.
“Without a car, the options for where I could put this bad boy are fundamentally endless,” she continued. “I could probably put it on my computer or – ooooooh – my water bottle! Well, I already have a bunch of stickers on my water bottle. Maybe I’ll put it on the front cover of a notebook?”
Nina seemed undeterred by the car-centric nature of the slogan on the sticker. She also maintains that if anyone were to ever honk at her, as the sticker suggests, she would immediately cry.
“Bumper stickers are just such a fun little language, you know?” she continued. “I love collecting them. Do I ever plan to own a car? Can’t say that I do.”
Nina’s roommate, Dax Hall, says this is not out of the ordinary for her but is rather the latest in a pattern of strange behavior.
“She cannot resist a free sticker,” Dax told reporters. “She took a free sticker from Lockheed Martin last week and put it on her computer. The girl has a problem. Why would you do that? That’s not your thing at all!”
When asked where her passion for bumper stickers comes from, Nina laughed and said, “It’s simply human.”
As of press time, Nina had taken the free sticker home and put it on the shelf, vowing to decide where to stick it later. Reporters estimate it will remain on the shelf for the next two years.
